Wish I knew about domestic affairs back then. As I’ve told you my first son was born on the same day as your son February 24, 1984. I was a young 21 year-old married mother in an abusive relationship. Back then I was always trying to better myself. Trying to go back to school with a very little support from my ex. He Pulled stunts like not coming home after work to look after the boys when he knew I had an exam. Luckily I got out after 6 years and have been married to my soul mate for over 30 years. Finally finished my degree at age 42 graduating magma cum laude. Looking forward to reading more articles. Hope your trip got off to a great start.
As a teen I remember my mother read Domestic Affairs faithfully. Now, at midlife, mid-marriage, and with a son about to fly the nest, I can understand why. I think if I were to read all of those columns today I may have a new understanding of the woman who raised me, as clearly something resonated with her. Perhaps a side she didn’t talk about? This article was a delight to read and still stands decades later.
What you say here about gaining an understanding of our mothers is just what I hope my writing will accomplish . I’ll be posting more of these columns from back in the day , every Sunday. Revisiting the woman I was long ago. I hope you’ll be reading .
I read your column in The Oregonian every week back in the day. Reading this one again was like going back in time. We were always broke, too. Our parade of sofas were castoffs for at least the first 20 years. My marriage wasn't always easy either. You write in such a relatable way. I'm so glad you're here now during a big change in my life. Your words will be a joy to read.
Wow! As relevant and enjoyable now as it was 40 years ago. I was one of those who turned to Domestic Affairs first thing every Saturday morning and, often, as soon as I'd read it, I'd call my girlfriend and say, "Did you see what Joyce wrote today?" This one is one that stands out in my memory. So much of what you wrote in that column was straight out of my own life, but this one was different. I couldn't imagine my husband taking away something like that. I was shocked not only about the situation, but also that you'd written about it. I remember thinking, Trouble down the road. I do love the post script this time around and I'm so glad you bought the cookies!
I well remember your rug story and was one of your St. Pete, FL newspaper readers. I still have a double issue Domestic Affairs monthly newsletter from July 1992 that I have carried with me all these years.
A friend of mine told me once that she and her husband had an arrangement whereby if either one wanted to buy anything over $200, they had to consult the other one. They are quite well off financially, have never really had to work (imagine!). And are now divorced.
Your story is such a pitch-perfect marriage story. Thanks!
Remember ‘zines? Before the Internet was a thing, Joyce published Domestic Affairs as a ‘zine, especially welcome to those of us whose newspapers didn’t carry her syndicated column. I was an occasional contributor, with a photo of me sitting on my porch in a striped dress, hair cut uncharacteristically short. Maybe the ‘zine will resurface during our glacial downsizing of that house. Which has an oriental rug.
I have similar story. I live in Germany. My first husband and I married while we were still students. We did not live in luxury, but we got along well because we really took care of our money. Two year after our wedding I got my M.A., and my husband worked on his PdD, he was still on a scholarship. I got a very good job and really had a phantastic income compared to my small scholarship before. We often had friends over for dinner, and I always tried to set the tabel beautifully. I even sew a lot of nice tablecloth out of sales textiles. But our cups and plates were just an awful worn-out mixture of our parents families.
So one day when I came across a really beautiful set of china for a reasonable price, I bought it. After all I earned good money and spent hours in an 8-to-5 job, whereas my husband had a lot of free time and could work at home on his thesis. So after work I transported that huge carton with the beautiful platess on my bicycle to our appartment, about 4 miles away. We did not have e car back then.
Well, and what did my husband say? You guessed right. Even worse: He did not like this china because it looked "too grown up" to him, like the "good china" of his parents. He wanted something that looked "younger". And we returned that heavy parcel to the shop and bought china that my husband liked better, you know, those dark red glass plates from china that all the students used back then. Well, looking back it is no suprise that we separated two years later. I swore to myself that I will always have my own money and that I never ever would be with a man like this again. And years later is was my pleasure to throw away "mypart" of these ugly red glass plates away.
And by the way: Later I married the most wonderful man of the world, who right now is in the kitchen and prepares a four-course menu for tonight for our dinner with friends. And he just loves beautiful tablecloths and plates like me. We have been married for 46 years now ;-)
Glad you finally got your rug. I am the wife who made her husband return a tv in 1979, that would have cost us 20$ a month. He made about $600 a month and we had a a son who was just over 1. We lived on a military base in New Jersey. I may have just quit a part time job due to pregnancy with our second son. I still feel guilty over that tv. We will be married 48 years in a couple of months. He now has one of those 75 inch OLED tv’s. Every time the televisions break I insist he get a new one. Life is short, you deserved the rug. I hope S learned that lesson.
Much love from a former St Pete reader also! Your writing always resonates, and I have hungrily wolfed down everything I could find from you after DA ended… you were about a half step ahead of me in having children, divorcing, dating in mid life. I remember an article about you and your dear friend doing online dating together! Before you met Jim. So glad you are here. 💕
I remember reading this the first time you published it like it was yesterday. The story still resonates to this 73 year just like it did to my younger self. Domestic Affairs was always the first article I read (and re read) in the Oregonian. Many, many thanks for being a life anchor to a young mother in another smallish town across the country.
Wish I knew about domestic affairs back then. As I’ve told you my first son was born on the same day as your son February 24, 1984. I was a young 21 year-old married mother in an abusive relationship. Back then I was always trying to better myself. Trying to go back to school with a very little support from my ex. He Pulled stunts like not coming home after work to look after the boys when he knew I had an exam. Luckily I got out after 6 years and have been married to my soul mate for over 30 years. Finally finished my degree at age 42 graduating magma cum laude. Looking forward to reading more articles. Hope your trip got off to a great start.
It must be something about sons born on Feb 24… mine kept me on my toes too
As a teen I remember my mother read Domestic Affairs faithfully. Now, at midlife, mid-marriage, and with a son about to fly the nest, I can understand why. I think if I were to read all of those columns today I may have a new understanding of the woman who raised me, as clearly something resonated with her. Perhaps a side she didn’t talk about? This article was a delight to read and still stands decades later.
What you say here about gaining an understanding of our mothers is just what I hope my writing will accomplish . I’ll be posting more of these columns from back in the day , every Sunday. Revisiting the woman I was long ago. I hope you’ll be reading .
I read your column in The Oregonian every week back in the day. Reading this one again was like going back in time. We were always broke, too. Our parade of sofas were castoffs for at least the first 20 years. My marriage wasn't always easy either. You write in such a relatable way. I'm so glad you're here now during a big change in my life. Your words will be a joy to read.
You know, I think it was writing that column… but more so, reading the words I wrote… revealed to me a central and irreparable flaw of my marriage.
Having emerged from a brief starter marriage, I saw the cracks in Joyce’s much longer one. I then hoped I was wrong.
Wow! As relevant and enjoyable now as it was 40 years ago. I was one of those who turned to Domestic Affairs first thing every Saturday morning and, often, as soon as I'd read it, I'd call my girlfriend and say, "Did you see what Joyce wrote today?" This one is one that stands out in my memory. So much of what you wrote in that column was straight out of my own life, but this one was different. I couldn't imagine my husband taking away something like that. I was shocked not only about the situation, but also that you'd written about it. I remember thinking, Trouble down the road. I do love the post script this time around and I'm so glad you bought the cookies!
You know, though we didn’t meet back then, that column left me with the feeling I had friends all over.
I’m happy I discovered you, just today. Loved the story. Powerful writing. Captured me quickly, wouldn’t let go. Real story.
I well remember your rug story and was one of your St. Pete, FL newspaper readers. I still have a double issue Domestic Affairs monthly newsletter from July 1992 that I have carried with me all these years.
Oh that newsletter! Every month my kids and I sat down on the living room floor sticking on address labels…..
A friend of mine told me once that she and her husband had an arrangement whereby if either one wanted to buy anything over $200, they had to consult the other one. They are quite well off financially, have never really had to work (imagine!). And are now divorced.
Your story is such a pitch-perfect marriage story. Thanks!
I don’t think I knew what it meant to work as a true partner in a couple until I was married to my second husband in my late fifties
Remember ‘zines? Before the Internet was a thing, Joyce published Domestic Affairs as a ‘zine, especially welcome to those of us whose newspapers didn’t carry her syndicated column. I was an occasional contributor, with a photo of me sitting on my porch in a striped dress, hair cut uncharacteristically short. Maybe the ‘zine will resurface during our glacial downsizing of that house. Which has an oriental rug.
Joyce! Just as good as it was in the 80’s! LOVE LOVE LOVE ❤️. I lived for that column in NY
I have similar story. I live in Germany. My first husband and I married while we were still students. We did not live in luxury, but we got along well because we really took care of our money. Two year after our wedding I got my M.A., and my husband worked on his PdD, he was still on a scholarship. I got a very good job and really had a phantastic income compared to my small scholarship before. We often had friends over for dinner, and I always tried to set the tabel beautifully. I even sew a lot of nice tablecloth out of sales textiles. But our cups and plates were just an awful worn-out mixture of our parents families.
So one day when I came across a really beautiful set of china for a reasonable price, I bought it. After all I earned good money and spent hours in an 8-to-5 job, whereas my husband had a lot of free time and could work at home on his thesis. So after work I transported that huge carton with the beautiful platess on my bicycle to our appartment, about 4 miles away. We did not have e car back then.
Well, and what did my husband say? You guessed right. Even worse: He did not like this china because it looked "too grown up" to him, like the "good china" of his parents. He wanted something that looked "younger". And we returned that heavy parcel to the shop and bought china that my husband liked better, you know, those dark red glass plates from china that all the students used back then. Well, looking back it is no suprise that we separated two years later. I swore to myself that I will always have my own money and that I never ever would be with a man like this again. And years later is was my pleasure to throw away "mypart" of these ugly red glass plates away.
And by the way: Later I married the most wonderful man of the world, who right now is in the kitchen and prepares a four-course menu for tonight for our dinner with friends. And he just loves beautiful tablecloths and plates like me. We have been married for 46 years now ;-)
I read your column faithfully in The Oregonian! So happy to find you again💕
Glad you finally got your rug. I am the wife who made her husband return a tv in 1979, that would have cost us 20$ a month. He made about $600 a month and we had a a son who was just over 1. We lived on a military base in New Jersey. I may have just quit a part time job due to pregnancy with our second son. I still feel guilty over that tv. We will be married 48 years in a couple of months. He now has one of those 75 inch OLED tv’s. Every time the televisions break I insist he get a new one. Life is short, you deserved the rug. I hope S learned that lesson.
Much love from a former St Pete reader also! Your writing always resonates, and I have hungrily wolfed down everything I could find from you after DA ended… you were about a half step ahead of me in having children, divorcing, dating in mid life. I remember an article about you and your dear friend doing online dating together! Before you met Jim. So glad you are here. 💕
I absolutely loved listening to this. Thank you for recording it. It was a real pleasure! 🙏🏼
It is important to me to share my work in my own voice . No AI for me
It has become a reader favorite for good reason. Even though I have read it several times, it still brings me to tears.
I remember reading this the first time you published it like it was yesterday. The story still resonates to this 73 year just like it did to my younger self. Domestic Affairs was always the first article I read (and re read) in the Oregonian. Many, many thanks for being a life anchor to a young mother in another smallish town across the country.
More to come, LAN